6 months

I die when he wears this cardigan

Handprint sleep marks. He's a champ of a sleeper

Hey guys.

I don't really like blogging that much, but I do like looking back on my old posts- like a marker in time!  So this one goes out to the future me!  And anyone else interested :)

Rough Day. 

Flying!

This video was when he was on the verge of babbling.

Carrots are more fun to play with than eat.

Now he's babbling a lot! And laughing. And snuggling.

Looks like his dad's smile!

This last video was yesterday at our friend Rohan's house.  I wish I didn't have to sound like an idiot to make him laugh, but that's just how it works.  

2 Month Check-up

Hi friends!

This morning we took Little Boy for his 2 month check up. He is 9 weeks today!  At 12 lbs, 2 oz, he is in the 75th percentile for weight.  He's 22.5" long/tall (50ish percentile) and his head is 50th percentile as well.  Right on track, little buddy.  Babies in my family are traditionally short and plump but with Stuart's genes mixed in, my little man is more stretched out than I was as a baby.  No surprise there...

 I got such a kick out of dressing him is this little hooded track suit.  It was the 1st time I'd put him in a zipped hoodie and I just couldn't get over the cuteness.  This is my nervous smile, because I knew he was about to get his SHOTS!

He was being SUPER sweet, smiling and cooing at our doctor (who we LOVE, by the way).  After chatting thoroughly about life w/ a 2 month old, we had to expose those chubby thighs... I felt so bad about what was about to happen, since he was so happy!

He got Tazmanian devil and blue camo bandaids.  I've never seen him turn as red as he did from crying!  I immediately teared up right along with him.  We had to hold his hands, and I just watched his little face go from happy to totally dismayed as the first needle went in.  I hope he can trust us again!!  I felt like such a baby, but the nurse said every mom cries the first time. 

It broke my heart hearing him wail and then whimper like he did afterward.  It was pain + personal offense of the people he trusts betraying him.  (OK that's a little dramatic, but that's how it felt to me!)

As soon as the whimpering finally simmered enough, I nursed him and he fell asleep for the next 4 hours. 

He's been sleeping most of the day, and snuggly and whimpery when awake.  Poor little dear. 

I'm reminding myself it is way better than a hospitalized baby from the crazy stuff we are immunizing him from.

Somehow I have to accept that he will get hurt in life but I don't know how to make myself OK with that...

Holy Roller

 

"Let it roll, baby, roll" - The Doors

Thumbtown

Just because it's so cute, and I totally didn't see it coming.

Why is it so cute???
(I just realized this probably means he's right-handed!)

7.5 and so alive.

7.5 weeks, that is. It will be 8 on Wednesday.

This guy continues to shatter my heart daily with cuteness and sweetness. I actually love to hear him cry...partially because he doesn't do it very much, unless he just needs something. And I like taking care of his needs, so it works out!

As of week 7, he is more generous with his smiles. Before, you had to really work to get a smile, but now he will grant them unmerited. Again: heart-shatteringly cute. He is also talking more! I LOVE it. He seems to (try to) match the volume of his environment, as I learned from our visit with his 3 busy, talkative sweet cousins in Wilmington last week. Instead of being overwhelmed by their (high) amount of activity, he merely tried matched their level (although his voice is much tinier and delicate) with little 'oohs' and 'ahs' and various gurgly sounds with random consonants thrown in.

His next cute trick came with battle wounds:

And resulted in this:

So, the past few nights he has let us sleep even longer because his thumb seems to hold him over for a while before he starts crying! Nice work son. He actually went 11 hrs last night between meals, which is REALLY good for a 7.5 week old!!

I just love him to pieces and I think he's addicting. On Saturday, I was home alone with him alllll day. After putting him to bed for the night, I was surprised that I missed him!

He and Stuart are bonding in cute ways too. I'm excited for the day they can do manly things together. Whatever that may be...

So much. Too much.

Oh boy.

How do I catch my blog up on the 1st 5 weeks of my little stud's life?

I LOVE a good milk coma

I think I'm starting to function again, but I spent a majority of the past few weeks simply staring into the sweetest blue eyes, smelling the sweetest little head, and nuzzling the sweetest little cheeks. Aaaand I'm getting all teary-eyed just thinking about it! Motherhood has been the best unexpected delight.

I say an 'unexpected' delight because I had no idea the love that would overwhelm me the moment I first laid eyes on my firstborn child. There is no way you can be prepared for that. But I'll do a birth post soon and share more about that.

It is hard work, and pretty exhausting, but we are doing well and trying to figure out what to do with ourselves now.

Here is a video of some early morning snuggles.  He was fascinated watching himself on the screen as I recorded.  I was trying to get him to realize he was seeing himself but it might not have clicked with him yet...I'll give him some time :)

It's time

Here's the situation.

Today I am 12 days overdue. I've been trying to go into labor...but it's not working. The problem is my sweet baby has not yet dropped at all- he's still 'sky high'; I am about 50% effaced but 0% dilated. At my medical practice, they don't like to let babies go over 2 weeks past due date. I've been having tons of contractions but the fact that he hasn't dropped into place at all is a concern.

Our theory (the midwife, and I agree) is that he hasn't dropped into place due to the high amount of fluid he is floating around in. A lot of fluid is good for him, but is probably prohibiting him from fitting into my pelvis and causing labor to start.

We are going to the hospital at 5:30 today. They will put a "balloon thing" in me overnight to cause dilation. Usually women will be 2-3 cm dilated after 12 hours with this device. Tonight should be a little uncomfortable, but not TOO bad and they'll give me Ambien to hope for a great night of rest. In the morning we will start pitocin to get contractions going... see how things go...maybe break my water around noontime. Once the water has broken, he will HOPEFULLY be able to get into place and come out to meet us in the afternoon or evening!! Since he never 'dropped' there's a small chance maybe he wouldn't fit, in which case we'd have to do a C-section.

So that's the scoop! Please pray for me as I'm nervous-- pray that things happen naturally with as minimal intervention as possible! Also pray for protection over me and baby's bodies as we work hard to make this happen, and for Dad as he bravely coaches us on!


**The lovely pic is by my dear friend Charis Hill
**Sorry for no blogs lately-my computer died!! We are getting it fixed this week :)

36.5 weeks- watermelon

Hi friends. Less than a month to go! I'm pretty excited. I have cut back my work hours to 4 days a week, and also set an official last day of work: April 15th. He is due April 19th. I reserve the right to move my last day up sooner if I feel the need to! I honestly hope to never ever go back there again...except to visit and show off my little man to my co-workers, who have been so sweet and gracious with me these last 8 months :)

I've VERY much enjoyed 3-day weekends these past 2 weeks with my new schedule. As you can see in the picture, last Monday we painted our bedroom! Tomorrow we will paint the nursery. Today is a rainy Saturday, and knowing that I don't have to accomplish everything today, I am relaxing in bed, in my PJ's, and am actually just paying attention to my babe move around in his huge bump-home (I'm trying not to use the word 'belly'- I never liked that word much anyway). I realized recently that I've been so busy working and preparing for the baby that I had hardly been paying attention to him! His heart rate was low when we went in last Monday so the midwife hooked us up to the heart monitor to see how my contractions affected him (they didn't really affect him at all). He was just consistently below where they wanted him to be that day, so I was ordered to really pay attention to make sure he was kicking enough (at least 10 movements every 3 hrs) and to come back in 3 days. It was a little alarming, but I felt like he was OK since he usually moves around so much.

Sure enough, on our follow-up visit he performed like a champ, heart beating strong and fast, and showing off for the midwife with his acrobatics. She was laughing while trying to locate his heartbeat because he was so lively in response to her touch. It was so nice :) We think he was asleep and during the previous visit.

Since then I started to really appreciate his health and vitality. His movement is painful sometimes but it's very endearing. It's so cool to think that he is full-grown now and just looks like a regular born infant! I have contractions all the time; some that are so tight I can barely breathe, and some with pain. There is a small fear that I won't realize when it's the real thing even though everyone says you will 'know'. Stuart is in Phoenix Arizona this weekend. We've been praying for a long time that the baby won't come this weekend and I don't think he will. Once it turns April, he has my permission to come whenever he's ready! I'm not as afraid anymore. I dreamed last night that he was born and I was just staring at him. It was so real and it was the first time I've dreamed about him! He had dark hair and big feet. But still no name. I have no idea when that will come.

Pineapple.

Yeah 33 weeks. I'm getting so used to being pregnant now, I forget how far along I am...forget to blog...forget lots of other unrelated things too. I had a baby shower last weekend- a romantic spaghetti dinner at my parent's house with a ton of my favorite gals. It was so fun, and I got some great loot! Like, really, really good stuff.

I have been so busy lately! My spare time is spent going on walks, RESTING, SLEEPING, EATING, getting the house in order- and that's about all I have time for! Partially because I just require a lot more of the resting and sleeping than I used to. This beautiful, amazing warm weather has been very uplifting recently. I love spring time- I was born on the 1st day of spring! Baby is due right around Easter. I just hope it's not actually on Easter, tax day, or my birthday that he makes his entrance. He needs his own holiday.

The doctors say we are looking good- he is head down and kicks those little feet and legs around like CRAZY. I'm having lots of painless but some very tight contractions. At work I write down what times they start, just for fun. When I first realized I was having contractions, I felt so cool!!

Last week we took a few classes, including childbirth, and now Stuart is pumped and ready to go. It's very cute. The other night I apologized that his music room was a MESS-- just a tornado of baby shower gifts. He smiled and said that it's not his music room anymore. It's the baby's room.

30 weeks

When you're 26 yrs old, the number 3o is going to be a little intimidating, no matter how you put it. There is so much happening, I hardly know where to begin! This week, my baby's daddy and I went to tour the hospital where he will make his entrance into the world! It was very interesting and I know we both were wide-eyed and maybe a little pale-faced the whole time. We got to see some adoooorable newborns in the nursery, and there were Peter Rabbit sketches on the walls (cute). The delivery room is really nice- very spacious with comfy seating and home-y amenities. The nurse kept going over what to do when we get there- dad, drop mom off in a wheelchair in the lobby, then park the car. She will be waiting in the lobby unless anything crazy happens, in which case, run to the 8th floor and scream her name until the nurses show you to her room. It made me nervous; it made Stuart realize that we are, in fact, having a baby.

My bump has now overtaken any vertical part of my mid-section you could imagine it overtaking. I'm baffled as to where my ribs went. I find myself amazed at how small all the other girls seem now, and all the pictures of myself from Thanksgiving and Christmas make me laugh since I thought I had a such a 'bump'.

Little boy nuzzles and snuggles around like crazy in his "room", especially when I'm trying to sleep or when his dad is praying for him. I absolutely love it. I love to pester him a little- like push down on one baby body part and make him squirm in response. It's so cute and freaky at the same time. It proves what we all know: that parents love to torture their kids from the beginning!

I have so much left to do in the nursery. It just doesn't even matter though- maybe I'll have more time to finish it up after he's born when I get a break from work! Perhaps he can help me pick out some things for his room once he's seen it. I'm trying to enjoy this special time as much as possible and I'm starting to realize that the best is yet to come.

29

I promise, my boy grew a noticeable amount from when I woke up this morning to now, as I am typing at bedtime. That at least explains why I was indescribably sleepy and weepy today and yesterday. I am 29 weeks today. My first week of 3rd trimester has been markedly different. My ribs have felt bruised the last 2 weeks, and the past few days I feel stuffed to the brim full of baby. It feels like right after Thanksgiving dinner...there is no way anything more could fit in my stomach area! I've been a little concerned, considering I have 2.5 months to go and am positive I'm completely out of growing room. The man weighs 2.5 lbs now. I just don't know how we will accomodate the 4+ pounds he is sure to put on before we meet.
Oh, speaking of pounds- the general feelings of discomfort have left me unfortunately very irritable. Basically, I just want to eat ice cream and pancakes. I really haven't indulged in these much at all, but this morning (as I was REALLY struggling with life and being awake) I did allow myself a pack of peanut M&M's at 8:30am. It was great, but I need to make sure I limit these indulgences as much as possible or I will really really run out of stomach space.

On another note, I'm still getting over the ends of The Plague. Throat and ears are still sore- it's really something!

I go back Thursday morning for that dreaded 3 hour gestational diabetes test. Pray that I don't have diabetes because I just love dessert so much...what would I do if I could NEVER eat chocolate again (until after April)?!!

This picture is from tonight. Tell me that belly isn't bigger than last time you saw me! But I have to say, I'm OK with how the rest of me looks :) I was thinking it would be much worse than that by now.

Good night all!

I failed a test but my son is a winner!

We visited the doctor today! Because my placenta had been a little low, we got to see an ultrasound again to make sure it moved up- and it did! The boy weighs 2 lbs 5 oz now; his head is 7 cm, and he is positioned like a V in me- butt down, and head and feet up top. He will need to flip before delivery, but he has time for that. He loves to move so I assume if won't be a problem. Stuart and I really felt like proud parents looking at our handsome boy. I like the side profile pic of him where he is laughing (...or drinking amniotic fluid...depending on how scientific we are being).

I have gained 16 lbs total and will be 28 weeks tomorrow. Last time I measured a week ahead, but this time everything is right on track! (Whew). This stuff is all so fascinating to me so I'm happy to share what I'm learning because it has all been a mystery to me in the past!

There was a little drama surrounding my test for gestational diabetes. I almost passed out an hour after the super-sugary drink they gave me. We had to wait an hour after the drink, then get my finger pricked. It was almost time for the finger prickin', and the nurse asked if I was feeling OK. I was confused by the question and said yes, then wondered aloud why she would ask me that. One minute later, everything started spinning and my ears rang so loudly as I slumped down in my seat in a cold sweat, nauseated. My blood sugar had crashed hard. I thought I could handle sweet things! I told Stuart I felt funny and after seeing my white face, he protectively hunted down a nurse, who brought a cold towel for my forehead and cup of water as the ringing slowly dimmed and things came back into focus. It was funny! I'm normally so strong. As we have been seeing lately (with my "Plague" instance this week, for example) that I do after all have weak moments (haha- darnit). I just did NOT want to fail the diabetes test but she assured me that my reaction meant I was OK. We had to wait 2 minutes after the finger prick...then she reported that my iron level was good, but I just barely failed the test!! This was very disheartening because I know that she misread the clock when we started the test. It was 1:36, but she said 1:26 and I didn't want to call her out on it. I think if we had waited a few more minutes it would have been OK. I tried to explain that to her but she couldn't change anything that was on the record. It could also have been the cold medicine I was taking.

So, major bummer, I have to go back in next week for a 3 hour test, in which I will drink an even STRONGER drink (yikes!), then get blood drawn on the hour for 3 hours and wait in a small waiting room that only plays soap operas.

I can't say enough what a champ Stuart has been. He volunteered to come with me for this next test and tried to pretend like it will be fun. He carried my purse throughout our dr. visit and tonight he watched The Business of Being Born with me. I kept both of us up all night last night coughing, and he kept rubbing my back, then got up early to make me breakfast before work. What a sweetie. I should write a whole blog about him sometime soon.

The Plague

27.5 weeks pregnant.
8 days The Plague.

I don't think I've ever been so sick for so long! I think it's just some type of cold...but it's hit me so hard. I guess prego+cold=temporary death? I am feeling better though, and it's been an interesting experience being incapacitated for so long. It actually hasn't been so BAD (despite the pain and achiness) and I've just been able to rest... a LOT. I feel like all I've done is sleep, drink water and pee. And blow my nose, and according to Stuart, SNORE when I sleep!

Lately I'm obsessed with looking at crib bedding! I will probably settle with this cute hippo print from Target but Etsy has so many 'shops' where you can design your own bedding (for triple the price) and it's so fun to dream about! I had originally decided to paint the nursery light yellow, and have grassy themes with chrome/brushed silver accents. I know chrome colored things are hard to find but that's what I like! Industrial, like my house! But after finding this pic of the lovely gray walls with citrus accents, I am in love. Also I like the letter 'V' above the crib because 1) it's chrome and 2) my 2nd child will be a little girl named Violet Hope.

So now I'm torn between the yellow/grass/chrome themed nursery, or a subtle gray wall with pops of bright color (orange, yellow, pink).

Last night my sweet little sis came over and made chocolate chip pancakes for me. I hadn't gotten out of bed all day and that brought so much healing to me since my man was hard at work all day! We watched one of the greatest romance movies of all time: Lady and the Tramp.

I'm ready to feel better and to decorate my little baby's room!!!

There SNOW way I aint gonna be glad today

Hello!

I woke up to a 5am text that work was closed due to the SNOW! Looking out the window is so exciting on snow mornings- I almost couldn't get back to sleep after the excitement!

I had some thoughts today. It was really easy to be selfish today...and it didn't feel good. Too much free time is sometimes not good, as much as I hate to admit. I found myself feeling dissatisfied with what I have and wishing for other things or other people's lives.

But then I would remember how great my life is! I love my life and it is just as beautiful and wonderful as other people's, just in a different way. So that was nice to realize. It's really important for me to be thankful and content with where I am and what I have. I realized that the devil will try to take a perfect day- a SNOW DAY-- and try to make you feel miserable somehow. That's so dumb.

Speaking of thankful, there is something I forgot to mention in regard to yesterday's post. I actually am about to start a really cool job that is a total answer to prayer!!! My older (stay-at-home-mom) sister has been doing editing/formatting for a publishing company for quite a while now and it's work you do from home on your own time. You can take on just as much work as you want. I think that is PERFECT for a stay at home mom, which happens to be my latest aspiration. I applied to this position back in August (complete with a very intentional cover letter), sent a follow up email a week later but never heard much back from them except that they got my application. Well, about 3 MONTHS later they e-mailed to offer me the position! I am starting this Friday and it's a total answer to prayer. I am so excited!!!! A secret about me is that I LOVE to be comfortable, ie: snuggled on my couch or in a cozy coffee shop and this job will allow for that, as well as of course flexibility with a baby. I plan on staying full-time at my current job for a little while longer as I build up my work in this new job.

Happy snow day! I am off tomorrow again, so another day of practicing joy and contentedness. Cheers!

25.5 weeks & let's be honest...

Greetings.

Interesting weekend. I have slept so much! And had a cry-fest each night before bed. I am freaked out by my own body and it seems to catch up with me at the end of the day. Something big and scary is happening and my body is the closest thing to me- I can't get away from it! It has never done anything crazy like this child-growing business before. What if this isn't a good thing that's happening?? I already love my Little Clarklet and he is a very cool kid but what if we are just not ready for this change and responsibility? I can hardly take care of myself and husband so how can I really take care of a baby? I mean, Stuart and I haven't made it to the dentist in 2.5 years. This weekend I've wanted to stop, rewind time and just not do this yet. I just keep catching my bump in my peripheral vision- I can't escape it. Also it is hindering hugs with my husband. Not cool.

There is a part of me that is confidant about labor, delivery and motherhood. I know I will do great- it runs in my family! I'm peaceful and hopeful. There is a time for everything, and my time for this is now. I will be stretched in so many ways and will become a better person ultimately. There is also a part of me that has been completely terrified of birth for the last decade. And motherhood is a complete unknown. Unknowns make me uneasy.

I'm being really honest here with no apologies. I had an easy couple of weeks lately and I must've gotten a big new dose of hormones that are pushing me over the edge. I know we will be OK but Stuart is leaving his job this week and trying to guess how we will make ends meet adds stress to an already overwhelming-feeling situation. Faith is good... but really hard! I've been reading through James lately about how trials produce all kinds of good fruit. I need good fruit. I asked God to grow, test and purify me. But I do look forward to someday knowing that we will be able to eat and buy the things that our baby needs.

I have been in full-fledge nesting mode! Sometimes I can't sleep because my brain is racing about different ways to rearrange furniture or re-pot plants. The other day I called a dining room table a gas station. That was so weird (and hilarious...and embarrassing). I am subsequently a believer in 'pregnancy brain'.

Little man moves around a lot every day. It's good to know he's alive and well. Even through freak-outs, I do love and care about him very much. When I feel his little feet pushing against me, it makes me excited to feel them in real life! At Wive's Club the other night, we were talking about how God won't create a child and then not make sure it's taken care of. I cling to that. I have believed in God my whole life and somehow I've made it through a lot over many years! I'm still here and I am sane and whole and usually happy. The Clarks will survive.

Again: Rollercoasters.

Thanks for reading and please don't worry about me (mom!). Everyone freaks out sometimes, right? I have a peace that ultimately can't be shaken.

"Faith Under Pressure"

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely (ha. ha). Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

- James 1 from the Message

love,

me and my baby