The Birth of Henry Miller Clark

My newest little man was born last Saturday, June 15th, 12 days overdue and following over a week of false labor and 4 months of gradually building contractions.  Basically, tons of fake-outs and thinking I was in pre-term labor...then on-time labor...then late labor...and then FINALLY I actually WAS in labor, less than 2 days shy of a scheduled induction.

The evening of Friday the 14th, contractions were steady at 3-5 minutes apart for 4 hours.  We called the midwife and she said we could come in if we wanted...but since the pain was still bearable (it didn't seem intense enough to me) we decided to wait, pack our hospital bags and try to sleep, thinking we would be woken up in the night.

Instead, we slept until morning.  I was disappointed to wake up the next morning, feeling nothing (after alllllll those contractions!!).  But shortly after getting up, contractions and other labor things started happening (I'm keeping this the non-TMI version).  We walked on the greenway, since walking always made contractions pick up for me, and I was totally that hugely pregnant girl walking, and stopping for contractions, making bystanders really nervous.  OH, because after 3 weeks of not being able to walk due to back pain, at around 41 weeks pregnant, something changed and I could walk again.  What a blessing.  We made a quick Trader Joe's stop and went home to see if things would keep going after the walk.  They did- contractions quickly brought me to the level of tears and that's when I knew it was really happening.  We showered, ate lunch, packed up again and put Arthur down for nap with extra kisses and snuggles.  We didn't tell him anything, of course. Then we watched an Arrested Development (didn't pay any attention to it) as I bounced on the yoga ball and timed contractions...again.

And within an hour, I knew it was time!  Steph came over to stay with Arthur (she's a champ) and we headed peacefully to the hospital!  It wasn't the dramatic car ride that I had anticipated.  We checked in at 3:00 and to my dismay, I was only dilated to 3 cm- the same as I had been the day before when midwife Hallie swept my membranes and things got crazy.  It was discouraging- after allllllllll those contractions.  Lindsey was the midwife on duty and she instructed us to walk the halls fast for an hour, so we did!  And it worked- after that I was 5 cm.  After some deliberation, I let her break my water...this baby needed to come out.  That was at 5:00pm.  As with Arthur, once the waters were broken, things got out of control really fast.  I mean PAINFUL.  I began shaking violently and the pain was honestly more than I had ever imagined possible.  I requested an epidural pretty quickly, but it only kicked in on one LEG...and at 6:15 I was fully dilated!!  I accidentally experienced an unmedicated labor and transition.

I tried a practice push and it hurt like all heck.  Oh, I am no super-birthing mom.  I was screaming, crying, shaking, gagging, cussing (well, I cussed once, which is a lot for me).  Wailing like a newborn baby.  Begging for the epidural to kick in...once the technician adjusted it, I demanded we wait til it kick in before more pushing.  So finally at 7:15 things had calmed down enough where I was ready to try pushing again.  With Arthur it took 1 hr 45 min to push him out.  With Henry- 15 minutes!!! Hooray!  It's an amazing moment to see your baby for the first time.  So surreal and awesome!  I will be forever grateful at how quickly he finally came out, and forever Henry Clark's biggest fan :)

Happy Father's Day!

The brothers like each other so far

The best kind of nap

Pain & Weakness. AKA, I'm in a weird place.

This weird place I'm in should be a distant memory in a few short weeks.  I want to remember it.

...I rode on the motorized scooter at Costco this weekend...

It was humiliating and I did not like it.  I mean, it was a little fun to drive, but I mostly didn't like it.

This pregnancy was going great until around 24 weeks, which was when back pain and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions started...back pain continued and around 7 or so months in, crazy hip pain started happening at night when I'd try to sleep.  The crazy hip pain would finally subside in the afternoon, then would come back every night.

Then crazy hip pain finally subsided around 8 months, (while back pain continued all throughout) ....then a little over 3 weeks ago, something happened and my lower back just peaced out- see ya!  Since then, it's been excruciating lower back pain with every step I take.  I hobble like the Old Hag in Snow White.  I groan and grunt getting out of bed.  And I also have intense nerve pain where baby's head is nestled.  It feels like being stabbed with a knife on my insides and makes me scream into my pillow.  I had that w/ Arthur too, but I never had the lower back pain and trouble walking like I'm having now, and the combo of both is just a lot of really intense pain, all the time.

I feel like a different person!  The past 3 weeks, I can't go out alone with Arthur- can't lift him into a shopping cart, can't walk a single step without pain, let alone through a parking lot and/or store, library, gym, park... or any of our usual destinations!

Being in a lot of pain is interesting.  I feel vulnerable (hobbling across the street while cars are waiting for me is the worst).  I feel helpless, because I kind of am helpless.  I'm embarrassed and I'm frustrated because I can't do what I want to do!  It's hard not to feel like I'm being judged, or not to judge myself even!  I sometimes feel like maybe I'm lazy, or I did something stupid or wrong this time around to end up like this.  I mean, I walked fine the whole time I was pregnant with Arthur, so why can't I this time around?  I don't understand.

My midwife and chiropractor, both of whom I see weekly now, have both advised that the only way to end this pain is to have the baby.

And my pain is for the most joyful reason- a new son that I prayed for and really want!!  What about the elderly, or people with diseases and conditions that don't give much physical hope?  Or people born with a disability who never had a chance to experience the independence I've enjoyed my whole life up til recently.  It's not fair; and it's also not fair that many people pray for babies and don't get to have them.  I'm thinking about these things a lot and I just hope to carry more compassion, grace and patience for people who hurt like this.  I now know what it's like to feel like you're in the way in the world, hobbling across the street, grimacing as you try to move faster so the politely waiting drivers can proceed.  Or walking alongside someone, trying to play it cool and keep up with their pace, knowing you will pay for it later.

So this weekend, it was time for our monthly Costco trip, and honestly I'm sick of being cooped up in the house, so I went, forced myself to swallow my pride and rode that scooter that you see old people riding.  And gained a bit of new perspective.

(Fortunately we didn't see anyone we know.)