I failed a test but my son is a winner!

We visited the doctor today! Because my placenta had been a little low, we got to see an ultrasound again to make sure it moved up- and it did! The boy weighs 2 lbs 5 oz now; his head is 7 cm, and he is positioned like a V in me- butt down, and head and feet up top. He will need to flip before delivery, but he has time for that. He loves to move so I assume if won't be a problem. Stuart and I really felt like proud parents looking at our handsome boy. I like the side profile pic of him where he is laughing (...or drinking amniotic fluid...depending on how scientific we are being).

I have gained 16 lbs total and will be 28 weeks tomorrow. Last time I measured a week ahead, but this time everything is right on track! (Whew). This stuff is all so fascinating to me so I'm happy to share what I'm learning because it has all been a mystery to me in the past!

There was a little drama surrounding my test for gestational diabetes. I almost passed out an hour after the super-sugary drink they gave me. We had to wait an hour after the drink, then get my finger pricked. It was almost time for the finger prickin', and the nurse asked if I was feeling OK. I was confused by the question and said yes, then wondered aloud why she would ask me that. One minute later, everything started spinning and my ears rang so loudly as I slumped down in my seat in a cold sweat, nauseated. My blood sugar had crashed hard. I thought I could handle sweet things! I told Stuart I felt funny and after seeing my white face, he protectively hunted down a nurse, who brought a cold towel for my forehead and cup of water as the ringing slowly dimmed and things came back into focus. It was funny! I'm normally so strong. As we have been seeing lately (with my "Plague" instance this week, for example) that I do after all have weak moments (haha- darnit). I just did NOT want to fail the diabetes test but she assured me that my reaction meant I was OK. We had to wait 2 minutes after the finger prick...then she reported that my iron level was good, but I just barely failed the test!! This was very disheartening because I know that she misread the clock when we started the test. It was 1:36, but she said 1:26 and I didn't want to call her out on it. I think if we had waited a few more minutes it would have been OK. I tried to explain that to her but she couldn't change anything that was on the record. It could also have been the cold medicine I was taking.

So, major bummer, I have to go back in next week for a 3 hour test, in which I will drink an even STRONGER drink (yikes!), then get blood drawn on the hour for 3 hours and wait in a small waiting room that only plays soap operas.

I can't say enough what a champ Stuart has been. He volunteered to come with me for this next test and tried to pretend like it will be fun. He carried my purse throughout our dr. visit and tonight he watched The Business of Being Born with me. I kept both of us up all night last night coughing, and he kept rubbing my back, then got up early to make me breakfast before work. What a sweetie. I should write a whole blog about him sometime soon.

The Plague

27.5 weeks pregnant.
8 days The Plague.

I don't think I've ever been so sick for so long! I think it's just some type of cold...but it's hit me so hard. I guess prego+cold=temporary death? I am feeling better though, and it's been an interesting experience being incapacitated for so long. It actually hasn't been so BAD (despite the pain and achiness) and I've just been able to rest... a LOT. I feel like all I've done is sleep, drink water and pee. And blow my nose, and according to Stuart, SNORE when I sleep!

Lately I'm obsessed with looking at crib bedding! I will probably settle with this cute hippo print from Target but Etsy has so many 'shops' where you can design your own bedding (for triple the price) and it's so fun to dream about! I had originally decided to paint the nursery light yellow, and have grassy themes with chrome/brushed silver accents. I know chrome colored things are hard to find but that's what I like! Industrial, like my house! But after finding this pic of the lovely gray walls with citrus accents, I am in love. Also I like the letter 'V' above the crib because 1) it's chrome and 2) my 2nd child will be a little girl named Violet Hope.

So now I'm torn between the yellow/grass/chrome themed nursery, or a subtle gray wall with pops of bright color (orange, yellow, pink).

Last night my sweet little sis came over and made chocolate chip pancakes for me. I hadn't gotten out of bed all day and that brought so much healing to me since my man was hard at work all day! We watched one of the greatest romance movies of all time: Lady and the Tramp.

I'm ready to feel better and to decorate my little baby's room!!!

There SNOW way I aint gonna be glad today

Hello!

I woke up to a 5am text that work was closed due to the SNOW! Looking out the window is so exciting on snow mornings- I almost couldn't get back to sleep after the excitement!

I had some thoughts today. It was really easy to be selfish today...and it didn't feel good. Too much free time is sometimes not good, as much as I hate to admit. I found myself feeling dissatisfied with what I have and wishing for other things or other people's lives.

But then I would remember how great my life is! I love my life and it is just as beautiful and wonderful as other people's, just in a different way. So that was nice to realize. It's really important for me to be thankful and content with where I am and what I have. I realized that the devil will try to take a perfect day- a SNOW DAY-- and try to make you feel miserable somehow. That's so dumb.

Speaking of thankful, there is something I forgot to mention in regard to yesterday's post. I actually am about to start a really cool job that is a total answer to prayer!!! My older (stay-at-home-mom) sister has been doing editing/formatting for a publishing company for quite a while now and it's work you do from home on your own time. You can take on just as much work as you want. I think that is PERFECT for a stay at home mom, which happens to be my latest aspiration. I applied to this position back in August (complete with a very intentional cover letter), sent a follow up email a week later but never heard much back from them except that they got my application. Well, about 3 MONTHS later they e-mailed to offer me the position! I am starting this Friday and it's a total answer to prayer. I am so excited!!!! A secret about me is that I LOVE to be comfortable, ie: snuggled on my couch or in a cozy coffee shop and this job will allow for that, as well as of course flexibility with a baby. I plan on staying full-time at my current job for a little while longer as I build up my work in this new job.

Happy snow day! I am off tomorrow again, so another day of practicing joy and contentedness. Cheers!

25.5 weeks & let's be honest...

Greetings.

Interesting weekend. I have slept so much! And had a cry-fest each night before bed. I am freaked out by my own body and it seems to catch up with me at the end of the day. Something big and scary is happening and my body is the closest thing to me- I can't get away from it! It has never done anything crazy like this child-growing business before. What if this isn't a good thing that's happening?? I already love my Little Clarklet and he is a very cool kid but what if we are just not ready for this change and responsibility? I can hardly take care of myself and husband so how can I really take care of a baby? I mean, Stuart and I haven't made it to the dentist in 2.5 years. This weekend I've wanted to stop, rewind time and just not do this yet. I just keep catching my bump in my peripheral vision- I can't escape it. Also it is hindering hugs with my husband. Not cool.

There is a part of me that is confidant about labor, delivery and motherhood. I know I will do great- it runs in my family! I'm peaceful and hopeful. There is a time for everything, and my time for this is now. I will be stretched in so many ways and will become a better person ultimately. There is also a part of me that has been completely terrified of birth for the last decade. And motherhood is a complete unknown. Unknowns make me uneasy.

I'm being really honest here with no apologies. I had an easy couple of weeks lately and I must've gotten a big new dose of hormones that are pushing me over the edge. I know we will be OK but Stuart is leaving his job this week and trying to guess how we will make ends meet adds stress to an already overwhelming-feeling situation. Faith is good... but really hard! I've been reading through James lately about how trials produce all kinds of good fruit. I need good fruit. I asked God to grow, test and purify me. But I do look forward to someday knowing that we will be able to eat and buy the things that our baby needs.

I have been in full-fledge nesting mode! Sometimes I can't sleep because my brain is racing about different ways to rearrange furniture or re-pot plants. The other day I called a dining room table a gas station. That was so weird (and hilarious...and embarrassing). I am subsequently a believer in 'pregnancy brain'.

Little man moves around a lot every day. It's good to know he's alive and well. Even through freak-outs, I do love and care about him very much. When I feel his little feet pushing against me, it makes me excited to feel them in real life! At Wive's Club the other night, we were talking about how God won't create a child and then not make sure it's taken care of. I cling to that. I have believed in God my whole life and somehow I've made it through a lot over many years! I'm still here and I am sane and whole and usually happy. The Clarks will survive.

Again: Rollercoasters.

Thanks for reading and please don't worry about me (mom!). Everyone freaks out sometimes, right? I have a peace that ultimately can't be shaken.

"Faith Under Pressure"

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely (ha. ha). Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

- James 1 from the Message

love,

me and my baby

Week 24: Eggplant

If I were more technologically inclined, I would totally post pics. My bump is bigger and rounder every day and as of yesterday, I can watch myself getting kicked! It is really cool. I might have been able to see it earlier if I'd thought to look when I felt the kicks, but it didn't occur to me until yesterday over lunch. His kicks have been getting more and more pronounced, or obvious-feeling (there are tons of ways you could describe this feeling...but it's hard to really explain) and I thought, "I bet I could see these if I looked!" and I could! Last night Stuart and I laid on the bed and laughed at my alien stomach moving around. Then today I had a weird fear that TOO much kicking could mean there is a problem (like he's kicking in desperation) but now I just think he's happy and fun.

My Christmas was amazing and full of the best family and friend times. Not to mention the snowy white Christmas I have prayed for my entire life.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I plan on having a blast. I can't wait to down several glasses of sparkling grape juice (hopefully in a champagne flute) and dance around in my new (empire waist) dress. In order to achieve this I will force a post-work nap (minimum of 2 hours), then a post-nap cup of coffee. Don't worry, 1 cup should do it these days. I drink water like a camel and any other substance really affects me. My friend Bethany even mentioned staying up all night and watching the sun rise on the first day of 2011. That sounds beautiful and I am open to the idea.

Anything could happen in 2011! But one thing is for sure: this time next year, my life will look a lot different in every way than it does right now.

Half-way Hump

I've had a bit of an un-inspired, half-way-there hump. I haven't taken pictures, blogged, journaled or anything in the last 2 weeks.

To catch you up: It's a boy! We found that out on November 22, 2010, when we also learned that he is human, healthy, and handsome! It was amazing seeing him for the 1st time! We got lots of pictures and even a DVD where you can watch him wiggle around!! I didn't cry; just watched wide-eyed as the whole thing happened and I realized that I really have a baby in me. Stuart stood by like a protective dad, cautiously watching the screen. My sister Steph just gasped and giggled in the chair beside me. It was fun having her there too. The nurse had a long list of things to look for in the boy and that made Stuart nervous, but everything checked out OK! It felt like a turning point, knowing that he is healthy with no particular problems to be concerned about. The rest of the day, I would tear up a little whenever I flipped through the pictures again...and again. They even did the 3-D ultrasound, which I was not expecting! I think he has Stuart's eyes and my jaw and mouth. A really cute nose, so that is probably a fluke he got from my mom. We went out to Big Daddy's Burger Bar (seemed appropriate) to celebrate, split a peppermint mocha from Starbucks, got a Christmas tree and took the rest of the day off. It was the most exciting day I have had in a very long time!! I really felt like I was walking on a cloud when we went out to lunch.

Since then, I have really grown. Physically that is- I definitely have a bump! But also in other ways as I have tried to come to terms with the way I am changing. One night I was confused and frustrated that I don't have some of the passions I used to have. It made me mad that I was SO uninspired and unmotivated to do things like music and crafts like I used to. Stuart was saying that God is preparing me to be a mom- I don't need to spend energy right now on some things I used to do, and it's good to be resting up for what's about to come. I'm sure one day I will be creative again. I KNOW we will look back on these last few months fondly. I can't even imagine what it will be like to not have so much alone time together. I can't imagine not getting nice long nights of sleep. Oh man...how I love sleep!!!

I am toward the end of my 21st week. Amazing.

Watching lots of National Geographic tonight

Stomach definitely got bigger today.

When will I start feeling kicks???

Had the weirdest dinner: sauteed garlic/arugula in vegetable broth, homemade mac and cheese, and a sweet potato. I don't know.