Week 24: Eggplant

If I were more technologically inclined, I would totally post pics. My bump is bigger and rounder every day and as of yesterday, I can watch myself getting kicked! It is really cool. I might have been able to see it earlier if I'd thought to look when I felt the kicks, but it didn't occur to me until yesterday over lunch. His kicks have been getting more and more pronounced, or obvious-feeling (there are tons of ways you could describe this feeling...but it's hard to really explain) and I thought, "I bet I could see these if I looked!" and I could! Last night Stuart and I laid on the bed and laughed at my alien stomach moving around. Then today I had a weird fear that TOO much kicking could mean there is a problem (like he's kicking in desperation) but now I just think he's happy and fun.

My Christmas was amazing and full of the best family and friend times. Not to mention the snowy white Christmas I have prayed for my entire life.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I plan on having a blast. I can't wait to down several glasses of sparkling grape juice (hopefully in a champagne flute) and dance around in my new (empire waist) dress. In order to achieve this I will force a post-work nap (minimum of 2 hours), then a post-nap cup of coffee. Don't worry, 1 cup should do it these days. I drink water like a camel and any other substance really affects me. My friend Bethany even mentioned staying up all night and watching the sun rise on the first day of 2011. That sounds beautiful and I am open to the idea.

Anything could happen in 2011! But one thing is for sure: this time next year, my life will look a lot different in every way than it does right now.

Half-way Hump

I've had a bit of an un-inspired, half-way-there hump. I haven't taken pictures, blogged, journaled or anything in the last 2 weeks.

To catch you up: It's a boy! We found that out on November 22, 2010, when we also learned that he is human, healthy, and handsome! It was amazing seeing him for the 1st time! We got lots of pictures and even a DVD where you can watch him wiggle around!! I didn't cry; just watched wide-eyed as the whole thing happened and I realized that I really have a baby in me. Stuart stood by like a protective dad, cautiously watching the screen. My sister Steph just gasped and giggled in the chair beside me. It was fun having her there too. The nurse had a long list of things to look for in the boy and that made Stuart nervous, but everything checked out OK! It felt like a turning point, knowing that he is healthy with no particular problems to be concerned about. The rest of the day, I would tear up a little whenever I flipped through the pictures again...and again. They even did the 3-D ultrasound, which I was not expecting! I think he has Stuart's eyes and my jaw and mouth. A really cute nose, so that is probably a fluke he got from my mom. We went out to Big Daddy's Burger Bar (seemed appropriate) to celebrate, split a peppermint mocha from Starbucks, got a Christmas tree and took the rest of the day off. It was the most exciting day I have had in a very long time!! I really felt like I was walking on a cloud when we went out to lunch.

Since then, I have really grown. Physically that is- I definitely have a bump! But also in other ways as I have tried to come to terms with the way I am changing. One night I was confused and frustrated that I don't have some of the passions I used to have. It made me mad that I was SO uninspired and unmotivated to do things like music and crafts like I used to. Stuart was saying that God is preparing me to be a mom- I don't need to spend energy right now on some things I used to do, and it's good to be resting up for what's about to come. I'm sure one day I will be creative again. I KNOW we will look back on these last few months fondly. I can't even imagine what it will be like to not have so much alone time together. I can't imagine not getting nice long nights of sleep. Oh man...how I love sleep!!!

I am toward the end of my 21st week. Amazing.

Watching lots of National Geographic tonight

Stomach definitely got bigger today.

When will I start feeling kicks???

Had the weirdest dinner: sauteed garlic/arugula in vegetable broth, homemade mac and cheese, and a sweet potato. I don't know.

Slightly Un-ladylike Observations

Just making a note about how weird it feels to grow really fast in one particular area (ie: your stomach). I feel again like I'm bursting at my stomach seams. Good thing my mom got me cocoa butter!

I'm also starting to "enjoy" pretty regular backaches- I read that about this time, your posture and backbone shift around to accommodate the growing midsection and backaches are a common and unavoidable side affect. Awesome.

Less than 2 weeks til we find out the sex!! I cannot wait.

We are now a sweet potato. Goodbye forever, Turnip Week.

Also, since we're being honest, I realized something pretty funny but also not lady-like to confess, so please proceed with caution. It makes me laugh whenever I think about it- a few weeks back I kept noticing how I would wake up with a big bulge on my left side. I would make Stuart feel it because it was so bizarre and so lopsided. I thought it was the baby...but (sorry to be gross) I think it was just my bladder in it's new position. Whenever I would get out of bed and use the bathroom, the bulge would strangely disappear. I had thought the baby just readjusted, but after several times I realized... It cracks me up every time thinking about it!

Autumn Turnip Dance Parties, 2010

Greetings from an Autumn Sunday.

This really has been one of the best Charlotte autumns that I can remember. Probably because I was expecting to be disappointed by the lack of real 'autumn' here in the Piedmont, but the leaves and beautiful mystery in the air have really delivered all the autumn charm that I adore. Thank you, Year 2010.

One sad thing about being with-child the past few months: I really can't dance. I just can't. It's mainly from the sharp decrease in energy, but I also think something is going on with my coordination and balance that just really disables me (more than usual, that is). I amuse myself by trying anyway, and ending up with weird anti-climactic robot moves or gentle (boring) 60's sways.

It's times like these when you can make up stories like: "Oh yeah, before getting pregnant, my stomach was so flat" or "I used to be such a great dancer" or "Of course I never ate this much before...". Really you can blame anything on being pregnant if you want. But you might start sounding like a fake, and also a flake.

I haven't made much talk about the produce comparison for Baby C this week.

It's a turnip.

This is definitely the least endearing of all the produce-baby size comparisons I've come across. Especially when you see the picture they provide on my baby app. Hopefully next week will be something more lovable. Speaking of lovable, after hearing the heartbeat this week for the 2nd time ever, our baby proved to be every bit as lovable as you could imagine. It sounded SO CUTE beating at 140 bpm's in there!!! My thought was, "It's so laid back, just like us!". I imagined I was picking up on it's personality through the heartbeat. Maybe it will be a sweet, easy, perfect little baby who only cries on occasion and always cuddles and smiles...haha. I'm sure my older sister could provide a nice wisecrack right now.

A really fun discovery this week is being able to feel where he/she is nestled in my stomach! I notice it the most when I first wake up. One morning I woke up on my back and it was ONLY on the left side. My right side was completely flat (just like pre-pregnancy, duh...). You can really feel it and it is so funny!! Sometimes it's nestled high, sometimes low. I love finding it and feeling it's firm little self. It feels sort of like a hampster through the skin.

Oh and one last thing. I read somewhere that as of the past week or so, it can actually hear us now! So the other night, I went along as Stuart played a worship night with Josh Baldwin. I had a little "moment" when I thought, "this is the first time it's hearing it's dad play bass!! And it's hearing me sing for maybe the first time!" I got a little emotional for a minute.

That's about it friends. Thanks for following my journey! Now I'm off to clean the house up from last night's 'dance' party.

just growin' a kid here

Hey guys.

Hope you are well. Guess what? Today I felt like my stomach was bursting at the seams. I can just picture my frustrated little one like, "Mooooom I need more spaaaaace" and pushing my skin away from it with it's tiny see-through hand. Thus, the 'bursting' feeling.

Last night something funny happened. I was feeling down (hormones...) and I didn't really know why. I took a REALLY long bath- at least an hour and 15 minutes. I felt relaxed afterwards, but still a little down. I have a theory that hormones catch up to you sometimes and you just physically need to cry. I wasn't thinking about my theory, but started crying anyway. Then I tried to get dressed and saw my HUGE self in the mirror and it freaked me out a little. I laid on the bed and cried some more.

Pregnancy crying stories always make me laugh looking back on them. PMS cries aren't so funny but with pregnancy, to me it's ok to laugh. Later.

Tonight I feel like I might never do anything again, like fold those clothes that have been sitting in the dryer since Sunday.

Ovens don't move from your kitchen, so it's ok if my 'bun' and I don't move from this couch while we are simmering tonight. Little avocado child.

Holy Guacamole!

Hello friends!

It's Saturday morning. That means a whole lot of things, but one of which is I get a chance to step back and think about how things are going. This morning I did a lot of praying about life...I've been really frustrated lately with some things that I never wanted to be happening at this point in my life, that are happening. We are not where I always thought we would be at this point, but in many ways we are better so I have to give those things to God, let go, and relax into His peace.

I am sharing my body with another adorable, sweet, healthy, heart-beating human. That is so cool!

I am really happy in my marriage. I just love being married; we have so much fun together, and yesterday morning he made me pancakes! On a weekday!!!

So really, many things are even better than I could ever hope for, so that is what we will focus on.

I am very happy to report that at 15.5 weeks pregnant, I officially feel better than I have since July! My sweet babe is avocado sized, and big enough where I could cradle it in my hand, which in a weird way I wish I could. But no...stay in there and keep cooking, little one! We watched the "Babies" movie the other day, and on the same day I found a bunch of pregnancy magazines that my doctor's office gave us. Those 2 events made me have a turning point of getting excited about having a baby around. Reading about conception and growth of the baby was moving because it is so miraculous and crazy. We all overcame many many odds to come into existence! It's so cool how the teeny tiny egg and sperm work SO hard to do all they have to do to create life.

I also was given my 1st batch of maternity clothes by Jessi Puleo- thank you!! The only thing I have used so far is some tank tops because it's just so important to have shirts long enough to cozily cover all of my glorious mini-bump.

Becoming parents means making lots of changes. Stuart and I have been hard at work scheming our plans for next year. It is very exciting to have to make changes and I believe more things are going to open up for us that we can't even see yet. Stuart has taken lots of initiative with some new endeavors and I'm very proud and inspired by him. He's exploring the music production/management field, which he will be amazing in. I'm thankful that my job provides a month of paid maternity leave! I very much look forward to a day when I work less than 40 hours a week. Working full time has been the worst thing that ever happened to me! Why do we do that to ourselves?? Ugh.

Someday soon we will start working on a nursery. That will be interesting.

Thanks for reading!

14 weeks-that's over 1/3 of 40!

Hello. My little friend is learning how to pee this week. At 3.5 inches tall, it is the size of a lemon.

I love lemons!

Today, I feel big. Like the Grinch's heart, my stomach grew 3 sizes in one day. (I love that movie!) I have to remind myself not to feel self-conscious of my bigger-than-usual belly, especially in a room full of people who don't know me or that I'm pregnant like tonight at Charlotte 1. What would really be so bad if people just think I have a nice belly full of food? It's just a hard thing for a girl to come to terms with. Pretty sure I'm not the only one...You spend so many years trying to suck it in, but now I just can't.

I have felt sort of bad that I haven't always been excited when people ask me if I'm excited. Sometimes it just is what it is (I have always hated when Stuart says that but it makes sense right now). I wasn't planning or preparing mentally for this before it happened. I am a slow processor- I had a 14 month engagement for goodness sake! I take a nice healthy amount of time to get used to decisions and changes. I'm just not super pumped all the time, but when I do feel pumped I really savor those moments! Tonight I was talking about Baby C's developments with a friend and we both started marveling at how amazing and miraculous it is. 2 biological elements that are so SO small come together...then a human grows. Who knows how that happens! Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that such an amazing miracle could be happening in me! But that's only happened a few times really.

I'm starting to feel like I know my kid, a little bit. Ok, DON'T JUDGE ME FOR THIS. If you do, whatever I don't care. My family has a big European influence (we have travelled there a lot and my parents still go 4 times a year as missionary counselors). I was introduced to beer (I mean good, German beer) by my dad when I was 16 in Germany. I love beer!! Last Friday, Stuart and I had had a long week, and being so diligent with our extra tight budget, had sort of just been eating crap, or nothing, for like 2 weeks. We got paid this day and decided to go on a date to Cabo Fish Taco. A date is always a good investment in any economy since marriage is such an important thing to fight for. I had a long day at work and made a decision in the car that made me smile, then laugh! "I am going to order a beer! And you are going to help me drink it! This is PERFECT!!!" I am still normal looking enough where I don't LOOK like a prego ordering a beer. And Stuart was happy to help.

My 1/2 beer was so worth it, and loved mingling with the fish taco in my happy stomach. In Europe, doctors actually recommend a glass of beer or wine to help keep the mom relaxed. No one wants a stressed out mom! But as stated, I feel like I'm getting to know my kid a little bit, and in a weird way, I felt like it should know that part of me. Now, I would not feed a newborn baby beer, but the nutrients will get filtered through my body first and I wanted it to know what tastes I like. Maybe I'm naive and crazy. But we're going to be OK.

PS: the baby is also kicking around, grimacing, and it's ears have moved from it's neck to it's head. All good things.

So proud of my little lemon.

oh life

Last time I was a blogger, I was preparing for marriage and enjoying the new experiences that followed.

Now, I am preparing for my first baby!!

I am 10.5 weeks pregnant with Sweet Baby Clark. SBC is currently 2 inches tall, and this week developed fingernails! The little sucker is taking up lots of my energy! This weekend, I slept 12 hours both Friday and Saturday nights! I get winded quicker than I used to, and walk a little slower. My couch and bed became my new best friends for the first 8 weeks...which I found to put a damper on my social life. Weeks 9 and 10 I started to get a little more energy in the evenings so was happy to take advantage of feeling good and seeing friends again.

I first started feeling sick and tired at week 3, before the result could even turn up positive on a test. I took the first pregnancy test on our 2 year anniversary, August 9th, 2010. The result was the faintest blue line- which was not convincing enough for me. I just stayed in denial until a definite positive sign showed up 2 days later when I tried again. Upon seeing this result, Stuart and I just stared at it for about a minute. Then I starting processing verbally, "OK, I see a plus sign. Do you see a plus sign? The box says a plus sign means you are...pregnant. So that means I am...pregnant. Does that mean I'm pregnant??" Then I collapsed in a pile of tears in Stuart's arms for about an eternity. After sobbing hysterically, I finally smiled and thought that a baby would be very sweet...then cried in terror again. I ultimately knew that this would be a good thing, although it's something I've been terrified of ever since I was old enough to know it could happen to me one day.

Being pregnant reminds me a little bit of being engaged to be married. You are in a sort of contract to begin something huge and completely life-altering. The moment of discovery is like the moment of proposal. You would never know such a complex and intense scale of emotions could be packed into such a short moment. Although the emotions were a little different in both instances for me (engagement was more of a "FINALLY!!" while pregnancy was like "ALREADY??") in both moments, I started coming to terms that a very very big change was going to happen.

Oh wonderful, terrifying life. Come on and happen.