oh life

Last time I was a blogger, I was preparing for marriage and enjoying the new experiences that followed.

Now, I am preparing for my first baby!!

I am 10.5 weeks pregnant with Sweet Baby Clark. SBC is currently 2 inches tall, and this week developed fingernails! The little sucker is taking up lots of my energy! This weekend, I slept 12 hours both Friday and Saturday nights! I get winded quicker than I used to, and walk a little slower. My couch and bed became my new best friends for the first 8 weeks...which I found to put a damper on my social life. Weeks 9 and 10 I started to get a little more energy in the evenings so was happy to take advantage of feeling good and seeing friends again.

I first started feeling sick and tired at week 3, before the result could even turn up positive on a test. I took the first pregnancy test on our 2 year anniversary, August 9th, 2010. The result was the faintest blue line- which was not convincing enough for me. I just stayed in denial until a definite positive sign showed up 2 days later when I tried again. Upon seeing this result, Stuart and I just stared at it for about a minute. Then I starting processing verbally, "OK, I see a plus sign. Do you see a plus sign? The box says a plus sign means you are...pregnant. So that means I am...pregnant. Does that mean I'm pregnant??" Then I collapsed in a pile of tears in Stuart's arms for about an eternity. After sobbing hysterically, I finally smiled and thought that a baby would be very sweet...then cried in terror again. I ultimately knew that this would be a good thing, although it's something I've been terrified of ever since I was old enough to know it could happen to me one day.

Being pregnant reminds me a little bit of being engaged to be married. You are in a sort of contract to begin something huge and completely life-altering. The moment of discovery is like the moment of proposal. You would never know such a complex and intense scale of emotions could be packed into such a short moment. Although the emotions were a little different in both instances for me (engagement was more of a "FINALLY!!" while pregnancy was like "ALREADY??") in both moments, I started coming to terms that a very very big change was going to happen.

Oh wonderful, terrifying life. Come on and happen.