I love lemons!
Today, I feel big. Like the Grinch's heart, my stomach grew 3 sizes in one day. (I love that movie!) I have to remind myself not to feel self-conscious of my bigger-than-usual belly, especially in a room full of people who don't know me or that I'm pregnant like tonight at Charlotte 1. What would really be so bad if people just think I have a nice belly full of food? It's just a hard thing for a girl to come to terms with. Pretty sure I'm not the only one...You spend so many years trying to suck it in, but now I just can't.
I have felt sort of bad that I haven't always been excited when people ask me if I'm excited. Sometimes it just is what it is (I have always hated when Stuart says that but it makes sense right now). I wasn't planning or preparing mentally for this before it happened. I am a slow processor- I had a 14 month engagement for goodness sake! I take a nice healthy amount of time to get used to decisions and changes. I'm just not super pumped all the time, but when I do feel pumped I really savor those moments! Tonight I was talking about Baby C's developments with a friend and we both started marveling at how amazing and miraculous it is. 2 biological elements that are so SO small come together...then a human grows. Who knows how that happens! Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that such an amazing miracle could be happening in me! But that's only happened a few times really.
I'm starting to feel like I know my kid, a little bit. Ok, DON'T JUDGE ME FOR THIS. If you do, whatever I don't care. My family has a big European influence (we have travelled there a lot and my parents still go 4 times a year as missionary counselors). I was introduced to beer (I mean good, German beer) by my dad when I was 16 in Germany. I love beer!! Last Friday, Stuart and I had had a long week, and being so diligent with our extra tight budget, had sort of just been eating crap, or nothing, for like 2 weeks. We got paid this day and decided to go on a date to Cabo Fish Taco. A date is always a good investment in any economy since marriage is such an important thing to fight for. I had a long day at work and made a decision in the car that made me smile, then laugh! "I am going to order a beer! And you are going to help me drink it! This is PERFECT!!!" I am still normal looking enough where I don't LOOK like a prego ordering a beer. And Stuart was happy to help.
My 1/2 beer was so worth it, and loved mingling with the fish taco in my happy stomach. In Europe, doctors actually recommend a glass of beer or wine to help keep the mom relaxed. No one wants a stressed out mom! But as stated, I feel like I'm getting to know my kid a little bit, and in a weird way, I felt like it should know that part of me. Now, I would not feed a newborn baby beer, but the nutrients will get filtered through my body first and I wanted it to know what tastes I like. Maybe I'm naive and crazy. But we're going to be OK.
PS: the baby is also kicking around, grimacing, and it's ears have moved from it's neck to it's head. All good things.
So proud of my little lemon.
4 comments:
Courtney!!! I love this blog-- you're a genius writer and "processor." I totally identify with the slow processing, that's me....totally. Things happen, everyone reacts, and I'm still just standing there like, "What? Did that just happen?" :)
Hahaha. ALSO, just having had a little bambino surprise myself, I can identify with that element of your "journey" as well.
It's just so good to feel like I "caught up" with you a little over your blog. I loved getting to know you and Stuart for the little time we were at MS.
I don't know if you follow me on Twitter as well but here's my blog addy incase you're interested:
http://heatherbethune.com
Oh and also wanted to ad-- I drank small amounts of alcohol during pregnancy as well. American pregnancy advice is SO over the top cautious and fearful, I ignore a lot of it.
Lastly, I cannot recommend this documentary enough: The Business of Being Born.
Every pregnant couple really HAS to watch it. Especially in light of your European influences I know you'll really appreciate what it has to say. It's on Netflix, not sure where else.
Love, me.
Hey Heather! Thanks for your response and encouragement :) I need to watch that documentary you recommended. Good to hear from you girl!
COURT!!!! ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS I LOVE WHO YOU ARE.
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