Dealing with hard things

(Written 10/22/14)

This morning.

I mentioned at breakfast that we could get ready fast and have time to play on the preschool playground before school started. Something we've only done once, but intend to do more often.

We couldn't get ready fast enough, and in the car I had to let him down- no time for swinging before school. He was really upset, asked me to do a U turn, said he was sick and needed to go home. Said he WILL NOT go to preschool today.

He was mad, because he didn't get what he hoped for.

Wheels are spinning in my mind as we drive down the road- 'how can I fix this?' I feel all the weight of responsibility for this child and how he relates to the world in every moment. And I remembered- just let him be mad for a minute.  He's allowed to be mad, and he always comes around surprisingly fast. I've learned that in our family dynamics- just let them be mad for a minute, and they'll usually come back around. (Such a relief that you can just STOP fighting it and wait...)

Not even 3 minutes later, we arrived, me wondering what this upset toddler was going to do as we approached carpool line, with a teacher coming to escort him out of the car. Is he going to run away? Are we about to cause a scene here? He's asking if we can go swing for ONE minute, but it's after 9:30.

I asked if he wanted me to walk him in, or do carpool line as usual.

Of course, the little dear snaps back to his usual self. "Do carpool line," he says. And calmly says goodbye as he exits the car with the teacher and walks in the building as if nothing happened.

And driving away, I felt so proud of him. He didn't get his way, and I think that's hard! I quite often feel like I don't get my way, and I get mad about it. But this sweet boy went through it, and came out again.

And I knew, if I feel proud of my 3 year old for walking through that little thing... our Father feels the same about us. He feels compassion for the hard things we go through, because he knows. He knows what it feels like. Just like I knew what it felt like for Arthur, He knows on an infinitely larger scale.

Happiness and Unhappiness

"Why is the farmer on the roof?

Because he likes being on the roof!"

- a "joke" by Arthur

Yesterday I experienced a magical period of time- driving in rush hour traffic no less- when we were all together as a family and just having a lot of fun. Everyone was happy and feeling good, the boys were laughing at each other from their car seats, and from hearing their laughs and being all together, I felt the kind of joy that I wish I felt more often. The sun was shining, and we were about to drop off the kids for a sleepover at the grandparents- a win for all!

Earlier, Arthur had woken up from nap extremely grumpy.

Even earlier...like one year ago...Stuart and I were going to counseling together because we just weren't getting along and it stunk there for awhile. I was struggling getting used to having 2 kids, who, looking back, I can see were both at pretty difficult ages at that point. I wasn't enjoying being a work from home mom, and just not really feeling good about my life. In counseling there were hard tears shed and uncomfortable conversations about what Stuart and I liked and didn't like about each other and the ways we had been hurt by each other's voice- ouch. We went weekly for about two months, then stopped because things got busy with the holidays and such.

Lately I've been seeing over and over the fruit of those sessions. We both learned things about ourselves and each other, and after putting some small changes into practice over the past year, things are going oh-so-much better.

And the kids are growing up; the desperate newborn months are over.  Potty training is over (for now). Preschool is helping us all out, and we're all very comfy as a family of four now. We're so fortunate to be able to remodel a kitchen in an adorable house that we eagerly look forward to living in next month! Things are going a lot better.

And this confirms a theme I've noticed in my adult life. When things suck, just hang on. Right now things feel good. That will not always be the case. But the memories of happy times like yesterday and the hope for more of those in the future are what I have to cling to in the times that hurt.

I see this when I look back on my struggle with depression. All the times I've just hung on, even though it didn't feel good, it eventually got better. And regarding that struggle- I have to say- I do think I've almost completely kicked its butt, through the help of counseling and support from my faithful husband, and me dying to my pride and admitting when I need help. Now I know that I need people around me, or else it can get ugly. I've started to learn the beauty of vulnerability- opening myself up to others when it's safer and easier to stay quiet. I've started being a little bit nicer to myself. Oh, and running helps too. A lot.

So here's my reminder when all starts crashing in around me.  Hang on. We've done it before and we'll do it again.

It's good for the people